Christmas Cheer? I thought you said 'Christmas Fear'! |
Mr. Scrooge's Anti-Christmas Movie Guide Bad Santa (2003) Billy Bob Thornton plays Santa Claus, but is he the real thing? Not bloody likely in this foul-mouthed comic tale of Christmas cheer gone very, very, very wrong. If I had my way, all Christmas movies would be like this! Die Hard (1988) / Die Hard 2 (1990) Police Constible John McClane spends two Christmas Eve's in a row crawling through air ducts, firing machine guns, and blowing many things to smithereens. It warms my heart just thinking about it! Gremlins (1984) Mogwais make excellent pets, as long as you follow three simple rules: Keep them out of direct light. Don't get them wet. And most important, no matter how much they beg, never, never let them eat after midnight. Yes, go right ahead and follow your precious rules... The only rules I follow are my own! Jack Frost (1997) A serial killer dies, then comes back as a murderous snowman. Not to be confused with the other Jack Frost, starring Michael Keaton as a father who dies, then comes back as a fatherly snowman. They're both equally creepy if you ask me! Lethal Weapon (1987) Merry mayhem with Danny Glover and Mel Gibson as two of L.A.'s finest. Glover is nearly retired and Gibson is nearly insane. Deck the halls with buddy coppers this season! And consider yourself fortunate that's all I deck, hmm? One Hell of a Christmas (2002) An ex-con tries to go straight, but soon finds himself confronted with sex, drugs, and Christmas carols in this dark action comedy. Christmas carols? Bah! The Ref (1994) A dysfunctional family (aren't they all?) is held hostage by Denis Leary in this dark comedy. Screaming, bickering, and much foul cursing follows. What better way to spend the so-called holidays? (other than counting money, of course!) Reindeer Games (2000) Ben Affleck, Charlize Theron, and Gary Sinise make money the old fashioned way... they try to steal it in this snowy casino heist flick. And best of all, they don't let Rudolph play! Poor Rudolph... are there no glue factories? Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) This slasher flick concerns a psycho dressed as Santa, who gives his all to help decrease the surplus population. Now here's someone I can relate to! Silent Night, Deadly Night V: The Toymaker (1992) An evil toymaker and his evil son make toys that kill their owners, that is, until a good little boy begins meddling with their fun. Blast that Tiny Tim! Silent Night, Evil Night (1974) The girls of a Canadian sorority house fall victim to a mad stalker in this yuletide psycho-fest. Hmm, boiled them in their own pudding, I suppose... You Better Watch Out! (1980) Harry Stadling is an emotionally scarred kid who becomes obsessed with Christmas. Before you can say 'Ho-Ho-Homicide', another psycho-Santa is on the loose. Remarkable boy, that Harry! |
What's that, Marley? Why yes, I've already mentioned Die Hard. |
A.J.'s Christmas Humbug! |
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